the key thing

The last couple of days have been the perfect example of "what now?"

This weekend E and I wen to the library as we usually do on Saturday morning. He was cranky and refused to sit for story time. "I don' wan' it." Of course the tiredness didn't prohibit him from being loud in the regular AV department. He got his wish, we are leaving, but NO we are not we must climb the stairs to the second floor and ride the elevator down. As a "what now?" That wasn't too bad.

Putting him down for a nap after we returned home was a struggle. I ended up falling asleep as he played. He hit my arm and yelled in my face "Wake up!"

"That's it you're in the crib for a nap. Yawn. Mommy will just go lie down in her own bed."

Of course finding yourself in your own bed after you have fallen asleep elsewhere means you will NOT sleep. It's strange how you can find comfort in uncomfortable positions and manage to sleep. It just wasn't the same without the penguin beak in my back and the toy car under my leg.

After our naps and a bite to eat we, by that I mean E, had a lot of energy to burn. Let's walk. I grabbed the keys, put a stick in the slider and shut the back door. All was safe inside as we roamed the countryside. We walked across the neighboring gold course, under the road, over the tunnel we had just gone through and back the 6 or so blocks on the sidewalk. The sidewalk is quite close to a beautiful winding street where a pedestrian can't see an oncoming car until they are nearly next to you. It was when we got to the sidewalk that I had to begin carrying E and the toy lawn mower that we had to bring along on our adventure. You never know when something will need to be mowed. E was instructed to hold my hand and agreed but after the second car went by he saide "carry you" which means I carry him. Then he told me he was "kiyrd" which is how he says 'scared'. To get back home we had to walk past the park.

Of course the park must be visited. We must swing on swings and slide down slides and do all the things you do at the park. But it's getting late and we are losing daylight. It's time to go home and "eat eat". "Carry you!" Mommy's back is starting to ache and so E gets a horsey ride which is easier on the back -- ask any chiropractor.

We head to the patio and put the home lawnmower away first. Next stop front door. Deadbolt key is a perfect fit, doorknob works like a charm, OH MY GOD THE CHAIN IS ON THE DOOR. "AH SHIT WE'RE LOCKED OUT, again."
"Lock out?"
"Yes honey we are locked out."

What to do, what to do quick —— drive to the police station and ask for help.
"Lock out? Lock out?" The entire way to the police station E said "Lock out?"

We pull into the desolate parking lot and park the car. I get E out of his seat and walk up the flight of stairs to the main entrance. "Hello, I was hoping we'd never see the inside of this bldg but here we are." I told the woman behind the desk my sad tale of woe. There was an officer standing a few feet from her behind the thick bullet proof glass that separated us from them. He asked questions I thought I had just answered with my statement. Is he hard of hearing, looking for clarification or stupid? I began to lean toward the latter when he asked if I had walked from home.

I was instructed to go home, that an officer would be there to help. The entire way to home E repeated his new mantra "Lock out?" When I returned home there were 2 cars and 2 cops. They got out their flashlights and began asking if all the windows were locked. "Yes or they have the stops on them so you can only open them an inch or two." The first officer's hand reached around the door and tried to move the chain. Then the second officer's hand reached around the door and tried to move the chain. Did they really think I hadn't tried that?

I told them "You have my permission to cut the chain."

This caused them to pause and consider their options. "We could call the fire department, they are the ones with the bold cutters," Officer 1 said to Officer 2. Of course my mind sees the most outrageous things in that moment. I envision a ladder truck pulling up, lights flashing, sirens wailing and a guy runs up with a pair of bolt cutters, snips the chain and runs back into the truck. It's so very Monte Python.

"How about a coat hanger or something?" I suggest. When we were on our walk I saw a wire coat hanger on the ground a few houses away. Officer 2 starts working on the chain with his knife. Officer 1 leaves for a few minutes and returns with a slim jim. He bends and stretches and wiggles. I am holding the door open for the officers because it's a nice thing to do and it affords me the best view of the proceedings and of E who is still asking everyone "Lock out?"

E is growing bored with watching Officer 2's backside and begins to wander away. I try to set the lock on the door closer and go after him. It's not working. Now what? After a quick check Officer 1 informs me that it's on backwards. He wanders away as well and goes to check out the back door. E follows. "EH, EH," I stopped him from trampling the plants and told him to use the path. Officer 1's flash light goes on and illuminates E's way. Just then the door opens.

Hallelujah!

E helped make dinner. He put carrots in the steamer basket (well away from the steamer). He adopted a new mantra as well, "cook 'em". While the carrots steamed E watched a Barney video (it may be worse than I originally thought, but that's a blog for another day) and I called my sister. She had a similar tale to tell. About a decade or so ago the bar to her slider fell into the track locking her on her 2nd floor deck. She was able to MacGyver her way out by tying her shoelaces together to drag a phone over to her so she could call someone with a key to her apartment. Sis and I had a good laugh about both situations.

Dinner and E's bedtime routine were very late because of this "set back" He finally got in bed at 10pm. I feel like such a bad mother.

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Monday we went to the mall to get my sister's birthday present. A trip to the mall after work always means eating out and this time we went to Sbarro. We got there just before the dinner crowd which was a poor bit of planning on my part. The food we got was not so fresh and not so good. But if it's pizza E doesn't care -- he eats it!

After dinner we went to the Disney store for the gift and then visited a couple of nearby children's clothing shops looking for green sweats for his halloween costume. No luck on the sweats so it's time to go home. It's getting late and E needs a bath.

The last few minutes of the trip E wanted to be carried, he was getting tired. I set him down outside the mall entrance and began the search for the keys. Not it the front purse pocket, or the back, not in the pants pockets, not in the backpack...Awh damn not again. I pick E up and walk to the car. There they are, dangling from the ignition waiting to do their job.

I turn and walk back to the mall. E asked "Key go?" This becomes his new mantra. I head for the first store with a visible sales person. GNC. The guy is sitting is some massage chair in the middle of the entrance -- obviously demonstrating the merits of the merchandise. I asked him if mall security handles lock outs, do you have their number, can you call them. I am instructed to wait outside the mall near his store (duh!) and an "officer" will be there soon.

I do as I'm told and the rent a cop shows up quickly. I tell him where my car is—it's in a garage spot—and he says he'll meet me there. After I fill out some paperwork he jumps out of his security vehicle with a slim jim and goes to work.

I hear a chorus of "Key go?" all the way home.