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The Success of Madison

Well I didn't sell out or even make tons of money but I did make enough to say I succeeded in my first craft show. The Chicago-based organizer of the event said I did better than those with big ticket items. I don't know if that's units sold or total cash from sales. At $2 cards are a lot more affordable than a quilt or a hand knitted sweater.

I would like to find another craft fair to enter but I need to replenish my stocks. I have been making cards for Christmas gifts and haven't done anything toward having a stock of sale cards. I have even made a couple of tactile/Braille cards for my brother-in-law to send to his father. I know he is blind I just hope he reads Braille -- or at the very least I hope my BIL appreciates the thought that went into making the cards.

Earning my WINGS

I will be sending off the check from the Madison sale to WINGS this week. It may seem like a long time but there were sales after the craft boutique and I wanted to get it all in at once. The total - with double matching funds from my employer will come to $120. Not a bad start.

But I haven't been ignoring the charity since the sale. E and I joined the Christian (or is it Catholic) Family Movement (CFM) group at our church and the group was going to be wrapping gifts for the women participating in the WINGS program. We were going to be out of town visiting my sister that weekend and I asked if I could stamp tags for the gifts as a way to contribute. They asked for 200 and somehow I was able to deliver. It was fun coming up with the designs and after you have a few designs it goes pretty fast. I will post a few later.

I called to see if the tags were what they needed and in the course of the conversation I was asked to lead a workshop for the women in the program. I will teach them how to stamp and they will walk away with a birthday card, a mother's day card, a thank you card and an Easter card. I can bring a helper too. I was thinking Dame Catty. When I mentioned the project to the teachers at E's school -- most of whom stamp. They told me that had been trying to find a way to stamp and volunteer at the same time. "How can we help?" I told them they could pre-cut the card stock and they agreed. This is all coming into place. God really put this into action and I am so grateful to be able to contribute.

Santa

This year E met Santa for the first year (that he remembers) the visit at 1 doesn't count as he doesn't remember and there was just a lot of screaming. At the end of the CFM Christmas brunch there was a visit from Santa. E was toward the front of the line and was so excited. He held my hand and jumped up and down saying, "I get to meet Santa, I can see Santa." The other kids who had gone through this before seemed a bit bored at the prospect but there was no containing E's excitement. When he got up there I asked someone else to take pictures (forgot the camera) and watched him chat with the jolly old elf.

"What did you talk about?" I asked.
"Stuff."
"What did you ask for for Christmas?" I asked.
"Toys."
"Anything specific?"
"No, just toys."

While watching cartoons (we just love QUBO on NBC) he tells me what he wants for Christmas -- everything they advertise, except dolls of course, those are for girls. But he got really excited about the Fisher Price "I can play" piano. It looked really cool and so we went looking for it. The Fisher-Price site says $80. Costco had it considerably less but still out of the normal price range for my budget. Thank God for the Costco/AmEx year end cash back. It made it affordable and my Santa (paw paw) helped a bit too.

Santa had to wrap the large gift in paper we don't own so I wrapped it in brown kraft paper from work. Slapped a printed label on it and called it good. I loved the plain brown wrapper. I kept singing "Brown paper packages tied up with string, these are a few of my favorite things."

Christmas morning he came downstairs all excited to see that there were things in his stocking. It was full of coloring books, road signs for his cars, stamps and candy. He didn't even notice the larger packages. Mr. Potato head's Santa add-on pack and a book/tape of Biscuit Goes to School were nice but the BIG package got all the attention. He ripped the paper off the end of the box and gasped, "Mom, you couldn't afford to get me this but Santa could. Look he got me a piano." It is by far his favorite gift. He received a couple of buildings to run his matchbox cars through, a police and fire station, from my mom on the Saturday before Christmas and he was all about playing cars for 2 days. But since the piano has been open that's what he wants to do.

The day after Christmas my dad and aunt took him to school because I wanted him to sleep as much as possible since he had been up so late so many days in a row. In the morning I told him he could watch one cartoon after he was ready to go. He was up and dressed before I went to work, but he didn't want to eat, generally that means TV. He walked over to the TV, looked at the TV then the piano and walked back to the table where we were all eating our breakfast. " I don't like to watch too much TV," he informs us, "but I sure do like to practice the piano." As long as piano is a video game he will be into it, I just hope that when the tasks get more challenging and the actual playing of the piano starts he is still as excited about it.

Must go to bed now. I need to go move a heavy boy from my bed or move a full humidifier from his room to mine and sleep in his bed. He has had 5 nosebleeds today at school. The air is so dry. I want to avoid one in the middle of the night -- those are the scary (and messy).

Genius Boy?

It's been a while since I wrote here. The craft boutique is done and the head and chest cold is waning so I can get back to this.

Earlier this month I flipped over the calendar page one evening and began making dinner. Behind me I heard E saying, "N.O. No. N.O. No. No-vem, Mom is that a 'b' or a 'd'." at that point it was very clear to me that he was trying to read the month. I told him it was a B. "-Ber. November."
"Yes! Did you do this is school today?"
"No."
"Have you ever done this in school?"
"No."
I was so proud of him. My 3 (nearly 4) year old had figured out on his own what it said. He is so interested in learning to read. We often read words and try different initial letters and sound out everything. I hope he doesn't lose his enthusiasm for reading and books.

Herbert

For E's fourth birthday I gave him a bit of responsibility. That responsibility goes by the name Herbert. He is a golden colored Betta fish. He wanted a goldfish but there was no way I could afford the space for a 20 gallon tank the store suggested and I did my home work. Betta fish can live up to 5 years. I have never known a gold fish to last that long and I am not interested in having the death talk too soon or too often.

We got the fish at PetSmart because the people I have talked to there about the idea of a fish for a four year old were incredibly helpful and knowledgeable and it is close to home. I am still recovering from a bad cold and shopping around for a fish wasn't on the agenda - sleeping was/is on the agenda. When we were leaving he sounded out PetSmart. The kid is amazing.

Herbert's name must be pronounced fully to please E. If the T at the end trails off, or you call him Herbie E has a fit. Keep it in mind should you visit.

Indians

In school E learned all about the first Thanksgiving, the pilgrims sharing food with the indigenous people, etc. Yesterday we were watching the 1995 movie "The Indian in the Cupboard". If you're not familiar with the story a boy gets a small cupboard and a plastic Indian for his birthday. When he locks the figure in the cupboard it comes to life. When the door was opened and you could see the live person I said, "look E it's the Indian."
"No mom," he said in a most serious tone, "that's a Naked American."
I love how PC he can be.

Well most go sleep into wellness — after the garbage is taken out of course.

What kind of day are YOU having?

I've noticed that there are 3 kinds of days when it comes to crafting and lately everyday is about crafting.

Creative days - aka Discovery days or Experimental days These are days when I try new things and come up with new designs.

Productive days These are days when a lot of work gets done. I generally stand during really productive times. I can get 15-20 cards of the same card done in an evening if I'm really productive.

Mindless task days These are the days when I do repetitive tasks that seem pointless but will help later on. Tonight is one of those nights. I was hoping for a creative day but all I can muster is pulling the stems off of silk (though I doubt they are really made of silk) flowers.

I was really busy at work today and then took E to Hobby Lobby (dangerous place for me) to get something for Dame Catty, there are no Hobby Lobby Stores near her. I wasn't going to get anything. BUT 50% off is too hard to resist. That's cheaper than the clearance price at HL. I got a few stamps for Christmas, I really don't like the ones I have and will be selling them on eBay or out of the trunk of my car soon.

E was a blue octopus for Halloween this year and has already decided he wants to be a tiger next year. There was a tiger set (headband with ears and a pin-on tail) on sale for $2 in the after Halloween section so we got that. He played with it so much in the store that he pulled the pin off the tail already, easily fixed so I'm not freaking out but it was a bit embarrassing when the woman at the checkout asked if there was a price on it. She was really nice - gave me the 50% off price on things in the clearance bin instead of charging the clearance price -- even gave me 50% off a seasonal punch though she shouldn't have I didn't realize it until I was home putting things away.

We ate at Boston Market and he kept saying in a loud kid voice, "Mmm, I sure do love Baker's Square." It was a bit embarrassing but it was funny at the same time.

After dinner we went to Kohls and got him some new shoes, they were on sale and I said I forgot my Kohl's coupon, which I did and got them for nearly 50% off. The timing was just right because as he was putting his old shoes one of the elastic straps that serve as laces broke off. His feet still light up -- they are Buzz Lightyear.

Madison Stock V 1

I made a dozen friendship cards in this design for Madison. Here are 4 of them.
















The message inside is "Your Friendship means the World to me". There may be 12 of then but each one is different. They all features a couple of map pieces, postage stamps, a postal cancellation stamp and the world map. I will be selling them for $2 a piece to make in easy on the people running the sale.

50% of the proceeds from the Madison sale will be going to WINGS (Women In Need Growing Stronger). WINGS helps homeless and abused women and children by offering integrated services that meet their needs for shelter, education, guidance and support. We provide safe, secure living environments, through transitional housing and emergency shelter, in residential neighborhoods that allow women to go to school, work, and care for themselves and their children.

I have a lot of work to get done before the sale. I will post series cards but not individual ones unless they are really standouts. I will just not have the time.

E stories

Friday night at his daycare center they had a hoedown. We went out and bought him a cowboy, badge, bandana set -- good thing Halloween is coming soon, it made getting a set easier. I brought his 2 horses (sticks with plush heads) to school after work along with his cowboy gear. He decided against the gear in a big hurry and I ended up wearing it. I had a bandana for myself so I tied it around the neck of one of his classmates.

The horses didn't last very long with the group of rough riders that were at the party, 5-year-olds can be vicious. Each horse lost their head, one was hanging on by a cord the other popped right off. I will need to work some mom-magic later to repair these poor ponies.

One of the teachers was painting faces and E finally decided he could do that. Each opportunity that has presented itself in the past has been met with violent protest. This time peer pressure and knowing the artist helped. I even had my face painted with a black nose and whiskers. The artist opted for black for my nose because, as she said, "pink wouldn't even show up on you". Yes folks I'm that white, er pink.
_________

Today E asked for a drink. I offered milk or juice. "NO," he said with a fist full of cup and attitude, "I want water it really unthirsts you." I love that he is trying to figure out the language but I could do without the attitude when my E.S.P. isn't working.

Well it's late and I still have to change the clocks. E doesn't know the time is changing and will be up an hour earlier than usual. If I don't change all the clocks tonight we will be extra early for the early mass tomorrow.

We've got a big day of Halloween prep planned with Aunt K and a lot of yard work to do when he's napping. I'm so glad she's going to be here to help get the patio furniture into the attic.

tootles

Hell Week

Big P Co is publishing a special Holiday section and the deadline was Tuesday. We've been so busy that today is the first day this week I have left on time. I left 45 minutes late yesterday and was giddy that I was getting out "early".

Sometimes I have to bring E back to work after picking him up from daycare. Last time I did that he just wanted to put pennies in the vending machine. I wouldn't let him. He went to a co-worker and asked if he could have green paper. She looked at me puzzled and I explained that he was begging for money. He dragged me into the kitchenette and showed me the "picture of green money" on the machine. When he was a learning to speak I was really the only one who could figure out what he was saying. Now that he speaks plainly sometimes I am still the only one that can figure out what he means, I get E-logic.

I am going to get busy with making cards for Madison now. I will scan a few in later, but I have to make them first.

Prayer Request and a Quickie

I'm asking for your prayers for a friend of mine, E knows him as Uncle Joe, who's had a stroke. He is recovering his speech but has no feeling on the right side of his body. If you can say a prayer for his recovery I'd appreciate it and so would Joe.

_____

E and I were talking about family relationships a few days ago. I am his mother, Nana is my mother, etc., etc., etc. Yes he had to name practically everyone we know. He is a very smart kid, he knows that Nana (who is much shorter than I am) is older than me. Generally little kids equate height with age but he knows better.

A day or so after this long conversation we were driving home from school and out of the blue he says, "When I grow up I'm going to be a dad."
"What's that going to make me?" I ask thinking he will say "a grandma".
His reply, "Very, very happy."

Commissioned Work

A friend asked me to make a some thank you cards for veterans day based on the cards previously posted here. My first commission. She's given me permission to post these in the hopes that other people get the idea to thank the veterans in their lives or in their community.

This card is for her Uncle Art who served in WWII in the pacific. I was lucky to find this picture in an old encyclopedia year book.







This is for her other Uncle Art who served in Europe. He was an army pilot.














This is for her cousin who served in VietNam.









This is for someone she knows who is just back from Iraq. I have a cousin who recently returned and I think I will make him one of these too.

Two quick stories.

Confidence boosters This weekend I made $10 from my cards. I brought them to show other stampers and a stamping newbie was there and liked what she saw. She bought a small stack which really gave me a boost. I am going to be sending a box of cards and possibly some other stamped items to a craft boutique in Madison, WI. It's a pre-Christmas sale where people can buy homemade/handmade items. It's held in a private home that is opened up for the event. I was asked by my stamper friend, Dame Catty to send stuff and this sale has really shown me that my work is sellable.

Dame Catty sent a friend a link to "The Heaven Sent Fart" and the friend scrolled down and looked at the cards posted. Her comment to Dame Catty, "Holy Crap they're Beautifullllll." Another shot of confidence. Look out Madison.

Working Late Sometimes it is necessary for me to work late. This is no easy fete when you have a small child and no child care. I had to go get E from the daycare center and bring him back to work. It's dinner time after work/school so we went through the McDonald's drive-thru and grabbed a heart attack sack. He loves coming to work, it's an adventure and you get a Happy Meal what could be better?

This evening I was on the phone with the customer whose job was keeping me late and E was under the desk speaking into the running fan. It's a favorite thing to do — try it some time. He kept saying, "I am a robot," in the monotone reserved for mechanical things, like robots. Suddenly in as normal a voice as is possible when talking into a fan he said, "Aren't I a precious child." I nearly lost it. He is most definitely a precious child but I never expected to hear it come out of his mouth.

The Heaven Sent Fart

It's been very cold here the past week or so. I was doing laundry on Sunday night and discovered the reason. There was no pilot light in my furnace, it was just blowing cold air out. As I got closer to see for sure I smelled gas, this is always cause for a call to the gas company. So I dialed them up and the woman said, "Don't turn on any appliances."
"I just threw in a load of laundry."
"Don't change anything," she tells me as the panic in her voice grew, "Don't turn on the dryer whatever you do. A technician will be there within the hour."

I went upstairs to check on E and he wasn't in his bed. He decided it would be better to be in my bed. He was wide awake waiting for me. He had a late nap that day that lasted 3 hours so he wasn't tired at all. I explained what was going on and told him I wanted him to stay upstairs in bed. Well this might as well have been an invitation to come downstairs.

Being the softy I am I let him on the condition that he lay down on the couch until the guy gets here. The results were mixed but I got a little bit of a sweet cuddle. When the tech knocked E wanted to open the door but I was able to make it there first.

I let the guy in and he turned on a device that measures gas in the air. It immediately began making a ticking noise and my eyes became the size of saucers. "Is there that much gas in the air?" I asked with the same panic the woman on the phone had. He explained that it makes that noise when it is warming up and the sound is different for gas in the air and he went into the laundry room where the furnace is and sat the device on the washer and himself on the floor in front of the furnace.

E and I watched from the doorway as he tried to light the pilot light. He put matches in his mouth, to make them burn slower, and E asked, "Why are you putting sticks in your mouth?" He explained what he was doing and why. "Can I see?" E asked.

"Sure. It's safe," the tech said. E took two steps toward the furnace and ripped the loudest fart I've ever heard come out of the kid. The gas measuring device went nuts. The tech picked it up and started waving it at E's waist as we all laughed.

E asked, "What's it doing?"

"It's smelling your fart," the tech explained. E farted 3 times during the tech's visit. It was hilarious (E's new favorite word - now that he knows what it means). I was told it was time to call someone to repair or better yet replace the furnace.

The next day I looked up heating on Angie's List and called the closest, highest rated company offering coupons. The price to walk into the house was $89 + $26/15 minutes. The minimum cost was going to be $200 to see what the problem was and possibly fix it. I told the woman on the phone that I wanted to get a new one and asked her to give me a ballpark figure, a range. $3000-$10,000 was the reply. I started thinking credit card debt, home equity loans, cold winter nights.

Tuesday I called a friend of mine that has 2 little kids, he would definitely enjoy the fart story, everyone with kids does. (Those without kids or who don't know E thought it was mildly amusing). He told me his brother does HVAC and can get me a much better price. The response from the brother was almost immediate. The work couldn't be done until today (Thursday - the day of the first snow) but it was going to cost me less than half the other guys lowest price for a new furnace.

I believe God said, "fart now kid!" I never would have called my friend about the furnace, I didn't know his brother did that kind of work, without the fart. God really does provide for those who believe he does.

______

My life has changed so much for the better since I started acting on the knowledge that God will provide. I am not as afraid to spend money on things that make me happy (rubber stamps) because the fruits of my labor go to help other people. The cards I made for WINGS are helping them now. The profits I make from the cards I sell at the Craft Boutique in Madison in November will be going to WINGS too.

I have finished the cards for my first commission sale. The buyer has given me permission to post the cards here in the hopes that it will prompt others to thank their veterans this Veteran's Day (November 11). I will be posting them tomorrow as it is getting late and I need to go to bed. It's so warm here now it's making me sleepy. : )

The good, the bad and the lucky

Joann Fabrics near work is closing, they lost their lease and are selling to the bare walls. This is great for a bargain craft shopper like me but it is bad for my pocketbook. I raised eyebrows with the basket full of stuff I bought today at lunch. I'm so happy and so broke -- everyone gets crafts for Christmas!

I have my first commission for cards and I figured out how to package cards so they don't get soiled from people handling them and I can price them without touching them. Last Christmas my sister gave me a vacuum sealer for the kitchen. It was the cheapy kind from Walgreens. I've had very little luck with it when it comes to food. Well it works GREAT for cards. I don't use the vacuum but I do use the sealer. It's great.

I have hundreds of ideas now. If only I could find hundreds of hours to stamp. Think I'll go get started now.

One of a Kind cards

I love the watercolor pencils, they work great on old encyclopedia pages.

Again with the watercolor pencils. I don't know who Minnie Fiske is anymore but she was holding a fan and I decided to go big on that idea.












I got lucky with this card. I didn't go looking for the Intoxication, Alcohol entry it just jumped out at me as I was thumbing through old encyclopedias.






____

Promise more E stories soon. Just got back online today after some unexpected time away. A tech had to come out and tell me the modem wasn't plugged in properly. Apparently when the power cord is loose you have to completely disconnect it for a few seconds, you can't just push it all the way in and expect it to work. SILLY ME.

Promises, Promises.

The answer to the Christmas riddle will be revealed next week. If you know the answer post it here, if you don't stayed tuned.

More cards coming.

As promised

Here are the promised samples of work. There will be more soon.

Summer vacation is over

It's been months since I entered anything here but it's been summer and that means it's time to get busy with... well everything apparently.

A big highlight of the summer was Aunt P coming to visit. This year her niece was playing in the AYSO soccer tournament so the family came to watch. AP and her sis and brother-in-law were all their to cheer their star on. They only lost on the day E and I went to watch but in such a big tournament once is all it takes to take yo out. Syd was crushed but there's something about a 3 y.o.'s dimples and laugh that brings anyone out of the dumps. We are all looking forward to their return. Syd wants to come back to Chicago and AP thinks it has to do with E.

My friend, Dame Catty, had a Stampin' Up party at the beginning of the summer and it's been a summer of crafting. I am so totally addicted to creating cards (still struggling with the scrapbook thing) that I have forgotten to do simple things like - clean house. Future posts will include samples of my better cards - not all can be winners so not all can be seen by the public.

I made 105 cards for the organization Women in Need Growing Stronger (WINGS) that provides services for women and children who are victims of domestic abuse. They tried to sell them in their resale shops but they didn't sell well, at $1.50 each they are too expensive for the second hand market. They will be giving them to the women to give to others and to give them encouragement. So "Welcome to your new home", "Congratulations on your graduation" or "Good luck" cards are more appropriate. I talked to the director of resale operations today and she said she would call when they need more. (Felt like don't call us... we won't call you.)

I've been buying embellishments, stamps and even some paper likes it's going out of style. Well in a way it is. The JoAnn Fabrics near my home/work lost their lease and they are closing the store -- EVERYTHING is on sale. I go frequently so hopefully I will get the stuff I want cheap. Got my eye on the Xyron cartridges and a kit to make your own rubber stamps, not carved but actually rubber stamps.

I've been working on organizing the new craft acquisitions and making space by donation books and other items to charity.
There are books I buy because I have a passing interest in the subject. I've learned to never buy a 630 page book with 70 pages of notes on a passing interest I will NEVER read it. Out it goes.

There are books I own because they supposedly define who I am. I have a book of Irish short stories because I'm part Irish. Of course the Irish part doesn't read and the English and German parts don't care. Out it goes.

I have several books that I have started and never finished some may go but others I am keeping because I refuse to be defeated by a work of fiction.

The only book I am reading with any regularity is the Bible. I'm Catholic and have always taken their word for it as one comedian once said. At 41 it's about time I really read it. I will be reading "A love worth giving - living in the overflow of God's love" by Max Lucado with the Pathways singles group at church. I missed the first session because I got sick in church. I have an iron deficiency and need to take supplements -- I should be better in a few weeks. Mean time I am exhausted.

E has really been coming up with some hilarious stuff lately.
"Mom I'm thirsty. I want some water." I pour him a glass of water. "MMM this is good. It really unthirsts you."

I noticed he has a new freckle on his leg when I was drying him off after his bath yesterday. "Oh you have a new one. You're going to be freckley just like mommy."
"Yeah, and I'm going to be just like Paw Paw too," my father also has freckles on his arms, "I'm going to be bald."

the clothing of giants

There is a time in the spring and early summer when the clothing for winter is too hot but the clothing for summer has not made it's way out of storage, or more to the point, out of the stores and into our home. I don't buy E's clothes too far in advance because his size is unpredictable.

I vagely remember a night when I was little when we didn't have any pajamas because our luggage was missing when we arrived home from a trip to my Nana's in Texas. We stayed the night at my uncle's house and my sister and I were given men's t-shirts to wear as night gowns. It was odd but a lot of fun to be in the clothing of giants.

Well that season is upon us and E is carrying on this tradition. The other night when it was 90° at 9pm I put him in one of my t-shirts. He fought it. I mean REALLY fought it. He wanted the heavy blanket pajamas, but once he was in the shirt I told him to go look at himself in the full length mirror in my room.

He walked in, saw himself and his body started to tremble and convulse, his mouth was wide open but no sound came out. It would have been scary had I not known these were the signs of laughter building inside him. He couldn't stop laughing.

Now even when it's not sweltering hot he wants to sleep in my t-shirts.

Explaining the Trinity

Last weekend I went to my former church in the city because, well I happened to be in the city. There was a stampin' up party at a friend's house Sunday afternoon so we came in on Saturday and made a weekend of it.

Anyway back to church. The celebrant at Mass didn't have English as his first language and sometimes that is a benefit. I have to really pay attention and listen to understand what they are saying. The homily was about the Holy Trinity and how do we explain it. A lot of questions were asked: is God male or female? how can God be 3 separate beings and at the same time be one being?

During the homily an idea came to me. It seemed inspired. The body of the church is made up of people. The body of a person is made up of cells. There are currently approximately 6.5 billion people in the world. There are approximately 50-100 TRILLION cells in a human body. How many souls have lived, will live? Can't know. It has been said that everyone has a spark of the divine in them. Can each person be considered a cell in the wholeness of the Church? A cell of God.

God is the heart of the body, every bit of life blood comes from the heart. Jesus is the brain. All knowledge of God comes through knowing Jesus. We know with our brains. The holy spirit is the lungs "...he breathed on them, and saith unto them, Receive ye the Holy Spirit" (John 20:22). A body cannot live without these three organs. They are separate but of the same body. I didn't want to think along the lines of transplants, it was too disturbing. But what about the people/cells that have gone astray. Those that have become a cancer in the body. Surgery is the answer, the removal of the offending cancerous cells. Then Matthew 5:29 came to mind, "And if thy right eye causeth thee to stumble, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not thy whole body be cast into hell." This was BIG for Matthew because he repeats himself in 18:9.

Later in the week I was listening to a radio show and they mentioned the mistake of pantheism, a doctrine that identifies God with the universe, or regards the universe as a manifestation of God. My inspiration was not divine it was my own false idea. It was incredibly humbling.

I thought about the mystery of the Trinity all week. I am still thinking about it. I thought about it when E and I were eating bananas. Did you know bananas grow in three sections, much like an orange? I tried to use a banana to explain to the Holy Trinity to a 3.5 year old. I know I was thinking out loud, but it got another sign of the cross out of him.

St. Patrick and his 3-leaf clover is probably about the best you can do to explain the mystery of our faith. I have seen the The Skeptics Annotated Bible site and would love to explain the Trinity to people who use that site to mock Christian beliefs (they also have an annotated Quran and Book of Mormon) but I don't think a banana is going to do the trick.

It's evil and it's wrong

Today is 6/6/06, the day of the beast, or as I like to call it, my birthday.

It is also the release date of the remake of The Omen. Michael Wilmington of the Chicago Tribune called it "a 30-year old meal repeating on me." This movie presents pure evil as entertainment. No thanks! I saw the commercials on television and they creeped me out. The commercials for original were scary to me as an 11-year-old but now that I have a son that is just a couple of years younger than Damian it's just too, too much.

So where does evil come from? On The Daily Breakfast (DB#125) today Fr. Roderick said something to the effect of God doesn't create evil, but he allows it to be. Evil is the product of bad choices by angels and people.

Which leads me to the question, do all bad choices result in evil?
For my birthday I went with my family to a the riverboat buffet for dinner: prime rib, assorted grown-up veggies (no canned green beans) and a lovely rice pilaf plus a salad and dessert. I was good and didn't go too crazy with portion size or the really unhealthy food, but I was definitely full when I was done. Eating too much at an all you can eat buffet can make you really uncomfortable, that second piece of cake or (fill in your personal weakness here) would be a bad choice -- but is it evil?
Looking back at pictures from the 70's and 80's there were a lot of bad choices made in the area of clothing and hair styles -- but were they evil? I want to say yes to avoid those mistakes in the future but I'm not sure it would be true.

The equation for this phenomenon goes like this: all x = y but not all y=x. What is the name of equation? Callers are standing by. Thanks for your generous support, now back to our show.

Of course the original bad choice was that darned apple in the garden. According to the Catechism of the Catholic Church (400) "Because of man, creation is now subject 'to its bondage and decay' (Rom 8:21)...Death makes it's entrance into human history.(Rom 5:12)" Before the fall God said be fruitful and multiply, so was a peaceful death without decay of the body in the plan? Would people and animals be assumed into heaven like Mary. Would there have been an assumption spot where people would be sucked into heaven when they were done on earth? These are the kinds of questions I've had forever.

Christ Ascended into heaven by his own power because, as God, he has that power. This always conjured up the image of an elevator ride. No great rustling of garments or kicking up of dust. It wasn't like Jesus was wearing a rocketpack. The Virgin Mary was Assumed into heaven. She did not go by her own power because, not being God, she didn't have the power. I know it is not respectful and may even be sacrilegious but I have imagined Mary's assumption being akin to being vacuumed up. There she is trying to control the flow of her robes, dust getting in her eyes, a glow of light surrounding her like a tractor beam from heaven.

Perhaps revealing these imaginings was a bad choice, and on a certain level I'm sure they are evil and wrong.

God bless you and don't go too crazy in the buffet line.

California Dinosaurs

Ever since seeing Hatari! E wants to go to Africa. He is excited about the animals there and wants to go. Now! "We will have to drive a long way in our car," he tells me.

A trip to Africa is just not in the budget this weekend (month/year/lifetime). We can't go to Namibia to see wildlife or even to congratulate Bradgelina on the birth of their daughter. Instead we can go to the library and get videos about African animals and we did, or at least we tried to. The tired was starting to creep in when we got into the Grown Up Video section (calling it Adult Videos would be more proper in the real world but this is the internet and nothing is normal here) and the cranky was coming on strong. We managed to find the animal videos and it took some doing but he made a decision Chimps! will be the animal of the week.

When we got home the fit began. It was about lunch, of course. Lately he has a habit of asking for things like chicken and rice or spaghetti and meatballs and when he gets it refuses to eat it or has a fit because he's changed his mind on what he wants half way through making dinner. I was warming the chicken and rice when he made a fist and threw a punch - mommy don't play that. He got a spanking and a time out. He got up from the time out and ran to his room. I let him go because I know how tired he is, how hungry he is. How angry I am and how much damage I could do to him physically and emotionally if I lash out. Believe me it's hard to restrain some times but I do.

I went up stairs to get him for lunch. "I wanted to go to Africa!" he bellowed at me.
"We can't go there right now but we can pretend," I said as I started to pull stuffed animals out a basket in his room. "Are there penguins in Africa?" I ask holding up Mumford the stuffed penguin.
"No," he told me. So I took the other penguin out of the basket too and put them both on his desk.
"Are there zebras in Africa?" I asked holding up a sad little zebra with overly long legs and enormous feet.
"Yes." I stood the zebra up in the middle of his room. Next I picked up a Care Bear Cousin doll.
"Are there lions in Africa?"
"Yeah!" he was obviously distracted from the fit, mission accomplished. As I set the Care Bear lion down he went over to the basket and picked up a small dinosaur. "Do they have dinosaurs in Africa," he asked.
"No," I said, getting ready to explain that they were extinct.
"Well there are dinosaurs in California," he said. I almost lost it.

New! Sucker Ban

While I was typing the above E woke from his nap and came in the office to play. I allowed him to eat a sucker upstairs but only in the office. He was drawing and erasing and got out the drippy school glue (that last item was not on my agenda) and then I heard "I'm peeing!" Yes, you read that right, he peed in the office.

I jumped up and tried to figure out what to do. I saw a paint rag on the shelf next to him and dropped it in the puddle because the floors are not level the pee flowed toward a bookcase that's too big to move. I sopped up the offending liquid as quickly as I could praying that I had gotten it all up. I don't want an odor reminding me of his accident each time I walk in this room.

I am convinced that the sucker was part of the problem he was so distracted by it that he felt he couldn't get up and go to the bathroom. Therefore WE ARE UNDER A SUCKER BAN until further notice. If you visit us don't bring any, if we visit you please don't tempt him with them.

Thank you for your support and understanding.

Hatari!

" 'Hatari' means 'danger' in Swahili, but Hatari! also means a spectacular adventure film," at least according to the DVD box. I found this movie in the Walmart discount bin and wanted to see it because I like the song The Baby Elephant Walk. It was made in 1962 before they started rating films in the US. I'm guessing videos and DVDs of older films are rated in Canada before they are re-released. This Howard Hawks/John Wayne classic about a group of highly skilled professional game hunters in Africa who capture animals with strong ropes and cameras for zoos and circus attractions had a G rating from Canada so I felt ok about showing it to E. It is a very long film however and the dialogue was a bit boring for a 3 year old so he would wander around during the longer animal-free scenes.

At the end of the film the DVD selection screen came up and E announced proudly, "I can spell that!" He carefully read the letters: H. A. T. A. R. I. Eskimo Point.

I love how hard he tries. He had asked me weeks ago what letter an exclamation point was and he remember as best he could.

There are so many rules in English. It's hard to keep track of them all but when you are just learning your letters it seems almost impossible that all the rules will fit in your head. As an example, verb tenses are confusing: past, past perfect, future perfect, past progressive, passive, active.

I wonder if there will be future perfect pronouns: we and us in my vocabulary. Is there such a thing as a future perfect pronoun or is it a perfect future pronoun?

Penance
I went to confession this weekend and was given a most unusual penance, not a set number of Hail Marys, no Our Fathers, no decades of the rosary. I was told I have to look into a social group of some kind where I can meet people. Basically the priest was saying, "you need to get a life." I looked on the parish website and found a single parents group sponsored by my town's health and human services office. AND they offer babysitting during the meetings which are Monday's from 7 to 8:30pm. Dinner's gonna be McDonald's but I may meet people.

A Catholic Child's Prayer

Hail Mary, Mother of Grace
Father of God
As it was in the beginning
Amen

This is the prayer E said while getting his shower this evening.

Last weekend we ate brunch at the Knights of Columbus fundraiser in the Holy Family gym. They sat us at a table with a family of 4 who were nearly finished dining. We said hello and went to get our food from the "buffet" I had to pay $8 as an adult, E, who is 3, eats for free. He ate a lot more than I did so I guess it came out about even, Anywho, he grabbed for a bite of something and I stopped him.

"Uh, uh. What did we forget?" I asked
"To Pray!" was the jubilant response.
We made the sign of the cross and I hesitated at "Holy" he often forgets which shoulder to touch so his sign of the cross always has a bonus "Holy" in it.
Then he proceeded to nearly yell the blessing before meals. He is really good at this in public.

The woman sitting across the table was so impressed and she told me so. I told her he is only 3 and she was even more impressed. "When they learn it at this age it will always be with them," she told me.

I wish the other Catholic prayers would stick as well. For a long time our night time prayer has been a simple "God bless (insert your name and a slew of others here). Keep us all happy, healthy and safe we ask this in Jesus name. Amen" it was close to the kinds of prayers they say at school (asking only in Jesus' name and not in the name of the Father or the Holy Spirit). That when I tried to says the sign of the cross before the Hail Mary a few weeks ago he took over the prayer by talking much louder and proceeded to say the blessing before meals. It was just he two of us in the room but I was kind of embarrassed in front of God that I hadn't taught him better.

Well it's time to go brush the teeth and try the prayer thing again for tonight. Know that you are always in our prayers.

PS; if you would pray for my cousin Jack in Iraq I'd appreciate it.

A most civilized exchange

This evening E didn't want to go to bed. Not a new problem but it's getting more frequent and the time it takes to get him down is increasing, which of course makes mornings just that much harder. Ever since seeing Madagascar he groans, "Five more minutes," when I try to wake him up in the morning. When he doesn't doze off until 10pm those groans will be more frequent. Last night it was the electrical storm and the claims of hunger and thirst. I wish all his problems could be solved with a glass of milk and a banana.

Tonight it was the allure of the plastic train set. Not the wooden tracks or the Lincoln Log tracks but the plastic circle with the sound effects, always a mother's friend, and the people that ride in the 3-seater train. He had several of these people lined up behind the train station facing each other. They appeared ready to square dance. Then he brought in the motorcycle cop and gave them all tickets, perhaps for loitering I don't know.

"Here's your ticket," the policeman said.
"Thank you," replied the bespectacled woman in the straw hat.
"Here's your ticket," the officer said to the woman's twin.
"Thank you," she replied.
"Here's your ticket," he said to Ronald McDonald in his plastic suit of armor.
"Thank you," Sir Ronald answered politely.
"Here's your ticket," he said to the knight holding a shield.
"Thank you," replied Sir Cat (his new name as of tonight, stay tuned it can change at any time).
"Here's your ticket," the officer said to the other Ronald McDonald in his plastic suit of armor.
"Thank you," he replied.

It was a most civilized exchange between the officer and these apparent law breakers. Then E informed me that he, the policeman, was going to take them all to jail. I don't know how he knew policemen give tickets or take people to jail. I have always said that people who were pulled over had a problem or an accident and the police were there to help them. I don't want him to see the police as an enemy of any kind, an attitude that develops when you get a driver's license and don't appreciate the posted speed limits.

I didn't ask how he knew police officers gave tickets. His standard answer for a question of this kind is, "I just knowed it by myself." Which is much better than the other less frequent answer, "It's a secret."

Well mommy needs to sleep. Tomorrow is going to be a treat with so many people gone and I'm going to need to be alert -- our department needs more LERTS.

St Therese and the Red Ferrari

I may be in the midst of a midlife crisis. I took a Children's Writing Course and learned a most valuable lesson -- that's not what I want to do with my time/life. On the last day I realized it was my version of a red Ferrari. It was a lot cheaper and I got to share it with my friends Goo and the Brown.

I really feel like I am in crisis mode. I don't know what I want to be when I grow up. I am searching for myself, for my calling, for my purpose. I try to listen for the voice of God to help guide me, (One benefit of this crisis is an increase in my faith in Christ and the Catholic Church) but I not used to listening for God and I'm not sure what he sounds like. Does he sound like Donald Hayne, Cecil B. DeMille's assistant that was tapped to be the voice of God as the Pillar of Fire, in The Ten Commandments? Or is God's voice more like Alanis Morissette in Dogma or George Burns in the Oh God! movies?

I have been trying to follow the example of Saint Therese of Lisieux the Carmelite novice who trusted in Jesus to make her holy and relied on small daily sacrifices instead of great deeds. I do not love washing dishes but when I think of it as a small sacrifice for my son and God's son it's not so bad. It's almost therapeutic to reflect on Jesus' sacrifice while trying to scrub off the burnt on mess or to think about the benefits of baptism while your hands are immersed in scalding dish water.

I was on vacation last week and had what I thought were modest goals for my time. I didn't realize what a "time suck" shopping for a used car and getting a quote on a bath tub replacement was going to be or how exhausting used car guys would be. I didn't even get the house cleaned let alone the windows washed or the mattresses flipped or any annuals planted. (Ok I got the herbs planted but you can't go through the summer without the "crops".)

This week has been a bit hectic already. I went back to work on Tuesday and found we are really short staffed and we have early deadlines because of the Memorial Day holiday. I was also informed that we will only have three people in the office on Friday when everything is due! Three! Until a month ago a full staff was nine people. Then my friend "the Brown" was transferred and we've been making due with eight. Friday it will be three! I'm still stunned.

Home life this week has not been perfect either, last night I singed my hair and burnt a knuckle on the NEW grill (thanks Bobert!) Monday I twisted my ankle (nothing serious, thank God) playing soccer/kick ball with E and the neighbor kids. Getting E down has been a challenge and I have been exhausted all last week and the first couple of days of this week but still unable to sleep. But tonight I've been awake and fairly energetic. We had reworked leftovers which weren't bad and I got the kitchen cleaned up -- it's a miracle. I feel tired but not exhausted, satisfied and not too overwhelmed, I may be able to sleep tonight. If I can't sleep I know there are 2 baskets of clothes at the foot of the bed that I can get up and fold. Always want to feel like I'm accomplishing something.

I could rant about dissatisfaction but I'm going to save that for another day when I've got more time and can really do the subject justice.

"Then in the excess of my delirious joy, I cried out:
O Jesus, my Love...my vocation, at last I have found it...
My vocation is Love!"
- Saint Therese of Lisieux

TR & Jim won!

I have to confess, I was addicted to Survival of the Richest and now it is over. Sad to see it go but so happy with the outcome. TR learned a lot, changed for the better and I hope the lessons last and he really does get his butt out there and help people. He alluded to this in the final episode when he had to plead his case to the others on the cast.

You haven't watched Survival of the Richest well here is the set up (copied from their web site): "SURVIVAL OF THE RICHEST matches people from opposite ends of the American dream to see if rich and poor can work together. Hosted by Hal Sparks (Queer as Folk), the six-episode series takes a group of seven wealthy young people, with a combined worth of over $3 billion, and pairs them with seven working class individuals who have a collective debt of $150,000. Forced to live together, the well-to-do contestants have the chance to prove they can survive without their parents' money for the first time in their lives. For the working class folks, the experience is a chance to dramatically improve their lives. Challenges vary from living richly at the race track to cleaning up the spectator stands following the event, as well as contributing to the construction of a house for Habitat for Humanity. Each week, one team will be eliminated until the final team walks away with a large cash prize."

The cash prize was $100,000 to each member of the winning team. The poor boy (Jim) made a pact with 2 others saying he would share with them. Those who didn't win will get $5000, which isn't bad for losing.

I don't remember seeing anything about a Habitat for Humanity House -- but they did renovate a youth center in South Central LA which as one of them said on the show "supposed to be worse than the Marine Corp". The other challenges included...

1. working as wait staff at Medieval Times
2. cleaning up at the track
3. picking peppers in the hot sun (TR suffered heat stroke and Jim still picked more peppers than some other teams)
4. working on a commercial fishing boat
5. Marine mini-boot camp and a military obstacle course

It was great fun to see the rich working hard and hilarious to heart warming to hear their comments about having to do things the rest of us just do because they gotta get done: housekeeping, grocery shopping etc.

The online profile says TR now lives in Chicago. Doubt we will ever see each other -- we run in different circle. : )

__________

This was a nice test and good learning experience in html.

I Found A Beer

Behind the Easter ham that had developed a funk,
behind the crust of rye bread required for a St Paddy's day meal,
behind a small chocolate heart from Valentine's day,
I found a beer, well actually 3, left from New Years Eve.

I discarded the ham and rye.
I ate the chocolate.
I drank the beer.

I love the holidays.

102,000 pizzas vs 1 bit of spinach

"Please E, eat your spinach. Just this one bite." I pleaded.

He had taken a bite of salmon and was not repulsed. I thought maybe he was being a bit more adventurous and open minded this evening. He chewed that fish like a cow chews a cud. It seemed endless.

"Spinach makes you big and strong!" he told me as he flexed his arms and scrunched up his face.

I began to sing the Popeye theme song and he sang along, the cud still in his mouth.

"Don't you want to grow up big and strong? Eat your spinach and you will."

"I'll grow strong when I eat 102,000 pizzas," he told me. "When I'm 8 I'm going to Chuck E. Cheese's."

I've been to Chuck E. Cheese's and he's been saying he's going to go there when he'’s 8 for a while now.

I'm holding him to it, no Chuck E. Cheese’s until you're 8.

Shaken from my own little world

"Money always helps," Oprah said on her show the other day when talking about the tragedies in Africa. The stories presented were heartbreaking and I'll admit it my eyes welled up with tears. The genocide in Darfur and the plight of child soldiers and the night walkers trying to remain free in Northern Uganda and an other story about Africa that I can't remember now were the topics of the day. (Oprah is on at midnight here so I was a tired when it came on and don't remember all the details - forgive the memory lapse

Send money to organizations doing work in these areas. They need money to fund the programs rebuilding lives. George Clooney wants us to write our congressmen and urge them to send the US military in to stop the violence against the civilian population. Footage of dead bodies, especially children's bodies, really spurs a body to action. I've already sent the online postcard to my congressman who I know is already on board. As a member of the Senate Foreign Relations subcommittee on African Affairs, Barack Obama is well aware of the tragedies on that continent and will be joining Clooney at a rally this weekend in Washington about Darfur.

I will send some money to one of the charities Oprah suggested to help a little and ease the guilt of seldom knowing and rarely doing. My question is how much is Ms. Oprah going to be sending. Yes, she is a philanthropist and gives a lot of money to different charities, but she is wealthy. Does she really need so many houses when their are people who don't even have tents to shelter them from the desert sun? My father would say I'm sounding like a Democrat, "If everyone can't be happy then no one should be happy" but that isn't my intention. I just want to know that it's not just the dimes and nickels of the homebound, unemployed and insomniacs that are going to these worthy causes. Knowing that George Clooney, Lucy Liu and Oprah are interested and are doing something for these people is great. Now what about the average Joe and Jane who work all day, make a decent wage and sleep well at night. How are these people being reached? Do they know about the tragedies or the charities founded to help.

I am 40 years old and live in my own world filled with amusements for a 3 year old. I don't watch the news or read the paper, my schedule is too tight, I'm too tired or it's too depressing — you pick. Honestly I don't like feeling helpless or hopeless. But this show really was a kick in the face of reality. There are children who walk miles each night under a clear African sky with little more than stars to guide them to a cage to sleep in. Being locked up each night is the only way they can avoid being killed or kidnapped and forced to be soldiers or sex slaves for the rebels. I lock the doors each night because it's what you do, but I have never feared for my life.

My personal (not E related) worries include not having enough memory on my computer and having too much fat stored on my backside, not whether I will be killed or raped tonight. I don't want to change places by any means but I want to do something to help. Since watching this show I've begun to think I am just playing at life. It's all a bit surreal. There is no struggle or pain nor is there great joy or pleasure in my life. I was talking to an old friend who is now married and has 3 kids. When she answered the phone she and her husband were doing landscaping and her oldest was working on his homework. When I hung up I felt like she and I were playing at house. We were little girls pretending.

I used to give things 110%. I was passionate about things. I had causes. I was a leader. Now I am not. I have no passions but a list of passing interests. I can't even give a regular book for grown ups enough attention to finish it in a matter of months. I have shelves full of books that I haven't read that I bought because of one passion or another. The Green Team. Museum MA. I have too many daily life things to deal with to be actively living.

I would love to go to participate in the Global Night Commute this weekend but I don't know how I would do that with a 3 year old. He is too young to understand why Mommy is forcing him to be out in the cold of a late April night. If he were 7 or 8 he might be able to get it a little bit but not now.

When he is old enough to go to Chuck E Cheese's he will be old enough to become an activist. Hopefully he won't have to.

more spring

Spring has Sprung

This is what spring looks like outside my bedroom window. What a joy!

The power of numbers

When I was 13 years old I remember sitting on the floor at my father's feet, looking at him and thinking he was some kind of wonderful. He was 36 and seemed perfect. All my girlfriends at school thought my dad was cool and "cute". I never thought about it until then but my dad was an attractive guy. I decided 36 must be the perfect age.

Shortly after that I had a strong feeling that something life changing would happen to me at 36. That feeling didn't go away in the 23 years between those ages. I thought it may be marriage, a new job, or a disfiguring accident but in March of my 36th year I found out I was pregnant. Talk about life changing. Motherhood is wonderful, except when it is not, and I'm glad the Lord's punishment for my sin was my son.

God has put that feeling about life altering events at a certain age back in my head/heart. 42 is the new number something life changing may be happening then. When I turned 36 I became more aware of what was happening in my life not knowing what was going to happen or when. I wanted to be prepared for anything.

I just read "Are You There God, It's Me Margaret" by Judy Blume. (For a class on children's writing) The sense of anticipation for growing really brought me back. I remember waiting 2 years from the time I learn about menstration until the day it began. Most of my 36th year was spent with that same sense of anticipation. It was compounded of course by the not knowing what the change would be.

I hope the changes coming at 42 don't have me so freaked out. I hope there is some warning, some proposal of change before I am hit with it. You may say that ther eis 9 months of warning for motherhood but there was no warning for pregnancy, which is life changing as well.

Well I must get ready for church. We are going to Holy Family Catholic Church in Inverness. It's an evangelical Catholic Church that was written up in the Chicago Tribune on April 15th. It's the Catholic answer to Willow Creek Community Church the mega-nondenominational-church near our house.

Now that I am going to church each week again I want to find the best fit for us. I showed E the website for Holy Family - they have a nursery with a lot of toys and he is excited about going there for the play time. I am excited about getting to go to mass BY MYSELF. I love the kid but I don't get as much out of the service when he is there. Too much of my time is taken up with "Come back." with the finger countdown. "No kicking the seats!" "Shhhh!" "Quietly please." and trying to keep his hands out of my shirt. When he gets tired he likes to touch my bare neck or arms or tummy. We will be trying several different options in the area. St. Hubert's has been our church (we are not yet affiliated with a parish) because it is close.

When I called about confession a woman who is really active in all areas of the parish watched E for me and said welcome to the parish. Other than that no one person has said hello. No one has spoken to us beyond the sign of the peace and it feels so stiff there. Maybe Holy Family will be different.

Well really must go.
God Bless
Kalyber

Boy Bonus

There is one clear advantage to having boys. A walk in the woods is not cut short by cries of, "I have to go potty!"

We went for a walk this Sunday after Mass (actually after changing our clothes after Mass) in the forest preserve near our house. It's too far to walk so we drove and then headed for the woods. We didn't use the paved trail but the slightly beaten path through the trees and grass and bushes. "Watch out for the poops!" dominates our conversation.

We wandered to a field filled with dry, yellow grass. If it had been green and standing at attention it would have been about 2 feet tall. About 4 steps into the field E says, "I gotta go potty."

I reached down and started unzipping his pants, "It's a good thing you're a boy and can stand up to go pee pee," I tell him. The look of surprise is priceless. Cars pass on the street just beyond a jagged row of leafless trees. I pull down his underwear, hoping no one can actually see us and tell him to lean forward a bit so he doesn't get his pants wet. I hold his shoulders. He really had to go!

"The animals are gonna come here and say P. U." he tells me. I bite my lip trying not to laugh.

"Yeah they probably will." I reply. I get out a tissue from my backpack and he wipes the 3 remaining drops of urine from his penis. I don't want to litter. I don't want this in my backpack. I tuck it into his underwear as we pull them up . Up with the pants and on with the show. We walk to the street and follow it to on of the paved walkways and head back to the car.

He wants his picnic. Bottles of water and small bags of peanuts are retrieved from my backpack. We drink, we walk, we open the peanuts and have a few, we walk, we drink and then he starts to fall behind. He tried to get the peanuts out of the long skinny bag with his short fingers and it commanded a lot more attention than walking. He was just too preoccupied with getting his snack to care about getting to the car.

Every bicyclist, rollerblader and runner was greated with a big, "Hi!" as he meandered along the trail. So many smiles, it was a nice walk.

There were a lot of cans, stray plastic bags and other garbage among the bushes and trees along the paved trail. I want to help clean this mess up but what do I do with E. If he were older he could help, but at 3 he is so easily distracted. I looked up the Forest Preserve District of Cook County on a break today. They have a cleanup at this forest preserve on Earth Day, April 22. I have to find a way to make this work. I asked a "greeny" at work if she would be interested in joining us. Thinking 'she will entertain, and I will work, then she will work and I will entertain.'

Things are looking up

Someone read my blog! Sparki is the first person to actually post a comment, the first to admit publicly that she's read it. Thank you. To see the story that fit the search criteria "Catholic, parenting" and got me in touch with Sparki, see fonticulus fides.

Well things are looking up. I have an appointment with the priest after the 9 am Mass Sunday and someone from the liturgical committee will watch my son. I really don't want to confess in front of my son, especially when we will be talking about him as he is proof of my sinfulness. I've decided to write my sins down before I go so as not to waste too much of the priest's, or the wonderful volunteer's, time. I'm a little concerned about the length of the Palm Sunday Mass as compared with the attention span of a 3-year-old. It was a bit longer this last weekend and he was incredibly restless by the Eucharist. When I tried to explain what was going on he pointed to the sky and said "God is up there!" When I tried to explain the bread and wine become body and blood he started to whimper the idea was so horrible. Small children and non-Catholics don't understand the Eucharist, "You Swallow the Leader?"

On Catholic Answers Live (see yesterday's entry) this week they were talking about confession and someone mentioned that no one ever confesses to gluttony but most of us are guilty of it. Of course few of us hearty folks are heartily sorry for that extra piece of cake or the pint of Haagen-Dazs we ate in one sitting because we were upset or worse yet bored. The sins we confess before we go in for bypass surgery (heart or gastric) may finally include gluttony. With this deadly sin in mind I decided to look up what the rest were, I could remember/guess most of them but not all. See Deadly Sins.com. After thinking about it I'm guilty of all of these at one time or another in varying degrees.

Another reason things are looking up, I got an email from someone who read the profile I posted on a dating service. My son said I should find love on the computer after seeing an ad on TV at Christmas time. I've procrastinated for months and finally
signed up afewe weeks ago. This is the first time anyone has shown any interest.

As for the suburb question Sparki raised we are in Hoffman Estates and go to St Hubert's, when we go. We have been to St. Matthew's in Schaumburg but I didn't like the church layout/set up too round-barn-like for my tastes. They have a wonderful stations of the cross though and I hope to get over there next Friday -- going to see if I can swing a long lunch.

Built for Guilt and Sadness

Perhaps it is my Catholicism, perhaps it is part of my perfectionist nature, but I seem to be built for guilt.

I feel guilty when religion is discussed. I have been asked several times by both Catholics and non-Catholics to act as an apologist, and I am not necessarily up to the task. I am not that well versed in the scriptual verses. (As a comedian once said, "I'm Catholic, I take their word for it.") I'm also not that good of a Catholic, I don't even go to Mass every week. I don't even know how to pray properly. Catholics have set prayers we are all supposed to memorize. I have the Mass down. I never need a missal (book) for the prayers we say at Mass. I even do the priest's parts in my head or in a whisper. But my other prayers are either rote memorization or feel like wishful thinking.

I have been listening to the Catholic Answers Live podcast daily since the beginning of Lent and I'm not that much better at getting to Mass. Though I am trying to recommit to that portion of my faith. I am interested in finding a Catholic Bible study group but haven't found one yet. When I would go is also a problem. A 3 year old may not be that welcomed, and where should E go when I find one. The radio show has pointed me to several books that I want to read. I will post these later, the list is at work.

Of course if I do get these books I may not read them and I will feel guilty about this. It's the curse of a perfectionist's nature. I have an image of how the perfect woman's life is supposed to go and, well, my life is far from that image. I don't read often enough, fast enough, or well enough. I don't clean well enough or often enough. I don't exercise -- at all. I don't eat properly.

From Guilt to Sadness. The fact that I am single and, now that I am in the suburbs, alone is a great source of sadness. I don't have someone to talk to each night after E is asleep, I don't have someone to share my life with. I don't have a helper, a sitter, a lover, a friend.

I have found myself near tears several times a day lately perhaps it's hormonal but it is generally when I think about my own sins and the Passion of Christ. I want to go to confession before Easter but again the question of what do you do with a 3 year old while you're in "the box".

MUD!

It's spring break time at my son's daycare center so they are in babysitting mode for their regular kids and the alumni who come back during school breaks so mom and dad can still work. They don't work on letters, numbers, reading, and the other "regular" stuff of his day. Instead they watch movies or have special visitors give presentations to the whole assembly.

Yesterday there was a presentation by an animal expert. She brought in pelts, skins, and a lot of knowledge. Did you know rhinoceros sweat is pink so they won't get burned by the sun? When the woman asked how do rhinos keep cool E's hand was the only one to go up. There were alumni there that were 6 or 7 years old and my 3 year old was the only one who knew the answer. "They roll in the mud." The presenter and all the teachers were amazed. When the director of the school told me about it I was so proud, but not all that amazed at his performance he had some clues before he got to school that day.

Clue #1. Last weekend E went to his first play ever. It was "Rikki Tikki Tavi and other Just So Stories" by Rudyard Kipling. Four actors presented 3 stories with multiple characters. They used elaborate wire hats to be the various animals in "The Elephant's Child", "How the Camel got it's Hump" and "Rikki Tikki Tavi". In the "The Elephant's Child" after she had a trunk the baby elephant shlooped up some mud and put it on her head to keep herself cool.

Clue #2. I am taking a children's writing course and one of my assignments is to read 25 picture books a week. E loves this assignment. In the book "The Perfect Name" Mama and Papa Potumus have to find the perfect name for their little one. At one point in the book little one is completely covered in mud. We read this book within the week of the presentation.

Clue #3. We woke up early yesterday. We decided we would go for a walk at the Schaumburg Park District's Volkening Farm. I wanted to go see the pigs, he wanted to see the horse, we both agreed we'd stop and see the chickens and turkeys. On the way we talked about pigs and mud and why they roll around in it.

The Park doesn't open until 8am and we were there a few minutes too early and couldn't get into the parking lot. We were on our way to a grocery store so we could get food for dinner when E yelled, "There's a park." I pulled the car over. We got out and took off down the paved walk way. There was very little to do but look at a lot of grass, it turned out to be a nine-whole disc (frisbee) golf course. We walked up a small hill and, being taller than a 3 year old, I saw the bright yellow of the playground equipment first. I made the exaggerated excited face and he begged me to let him in on the excitement. "Just wait," I said, "You'll see."

When we reached the crest he saw the playground too and the genuine excitement on his face was better than any act I could put on. We let go of each other's hands and ran to the playground our arms waving in the air like we were riding a rollercoaster, or like crazed lunatics. We climbed up the stairs and walked across the wiggly bridges they he rode down the tube slide and climbed back up to the top. He slid down the twisty slide and fell off the end. He called me to come down and instead of taking the stairs like an adult would I took the twisty slide. If there was ever a doubt whether dew was wet or whether it collected on plastic slides it ended on that ride.

E arrived at school that day with a wet butt and a head full of clues as to how a rhinoceros may keep cool. He's got a great memory and a real knack for making the connection between one animal and another, even from animals to humans. We have on tape an episode of "Zooboomafoo" a kid's show about animals on PBS. The hosts, Chris and Martin Kratt, talked about kangaroo's eyelashes keeping dust and sand out of the animal's eyes. One day, a week or so after seeing the episode, E was touching his eyelids at dinner. Then he announced that his eyelashes keep dust and sand out of his eyes. I asked who told him that. "Chris and Martin," he said matter-of-factly. I'm so proud of him and amazed by his memory.

What to write about

In class last night our teacher told us not to use email or text message shorthand. It's not proper English and shouldn't be used. Period. It's not good to write for a group learning to read by using misspelled or made up words (though if it's good enough for Shakespeare it should be good enough for me, not that I would ever compare myself to the bard).

Today E was telling me that I won the race and my prize was a toy. "What color is the toy?" I asked.

"It's purpleyish, greenyish, red." I know those words have never, and probably will never, appear in a dictionary but I loved them. He has started to tell more and more stories. The adventures of Buzz Lightyear, Mr. Incredible and Peri Po, his stuffed dinosaur are so cute. I am tempted at times to write them down but I can't get to it when he tells me the stories and I forget them by the time I have pad and paper.

Last night CC also told us to think about the kinds of books we liked as kids. We didn't own many books and they were almost all gifts from people other than my parents. Let's see, there were the Little Golden Books: The Little Engine That Could and The Me Too Book. There was the big book of Richard Scary stories and pictures. My grandmother gave me a collection of Grimm's Fairy Tales that I barely cracked open, we read it now, 30 years later. My aunt and uncle gave my sister and me a large picture book of a foreign folk tale. Mine was a Chinese story about an emperor and a nightingale, my sister got some Russian story. I can see still see the illustrations but the text or even the plot lines are a mystery to me now. I have been trying to find those books at my Dad's whenever I go home but they are just no where to be found.

CC also told us write about what interests us. I have been trying to figure out what that is and I've decided it's not conducive to the picture book genre. I like histories, mysteries and reference or factual information. I love genealogy and think I may use long dead members of my family as a jumping off point for easy readers about historical events, settings, etc.

I have a relative that was in the US Civil War, one from the Spanish American War, even relatives that were here for the Revolutionary War, but as Quakers the likelihood they participated is pretty slim. I could research and then write the Cumberland trail stories of the O'Keefes or the Sester's journey across the sea from Germany.

Whatever I write I want it to entertain, excite, and educate E. I want him to know about our family and see that history can be interesting, especially when you have a connection to it, relatively speaking.

____

The sun is warm on the shoulders of the groups gathered on the hill. The grass is so green and the cloudless sky so blue that the floral prints and tie-dyed clothing of the revelers seem dull by comparison. A soft breeze blows gauzy fabrics and long hair through the air and across bare skin. Music and sweet smoke drift by. Grapes burst in an explosion of tart sweetness in my mouth. It is finally summer.

______

I was much too young for Haight Ashbury, a toddler during the summer of love, but I have always imagined being in San Francisco sitting with a view of the bay, and I have always imagined it this way. Perhaps it's the influence of the opening credits of "Full House", perhaps it's the grainy films of hippies they show in documentaries.

At midnight it doesn't much matter. I need to get some sleep and hopefully I will dream of this scene, enjoy grapes and a bit of music.

K

The Discombobulated Duke

Today is the first day of the rest of your life and the first day of 8 weeks of daily writing for me. I just started a children's writing class. My teacher is Carolyn Crimi (heretofore known as CC) who has written (and published) several picture books including Boris and Bella, Henry and the Buccaneer Bunnies, Don't Need Friends, Tessa's Tip-tapping Toes, Louds Move In!, Get Busy, Beaver! and Outside, Inside.

CC talked about where inspiration comes from for different people, for some it's while baking, other are inspired while marching to that swinging Sousa beat, still others get inspired while washing their hair in the shower. (I fall in to the latter category -- always thought of it as "watering the seeds of an idea"). Apparently I also get going when I am alone in the car, I say this because a lot of the inital words for the following story came on the drive home.

While she was talking I wondered what a lecture by Aunt P would be like. The only physical similarities I can see are they are both women but there was a quality, an essence almost, that reminded me Aunt P.

E will love one of my assignments, read 25 picture books a week. At the end of class we all wrote two words on a piece of paper and then threw them in a hat. We all then drew 2 words out and were encouraged (not assigned but encouraged) to write a story using those words. My first word was "discombobulated." The second word was not as easy to read, the first letter could have been a "P" or a "D". I will go with "D" as it makes for better alliteration.

So here is a rough off the top version of The Discombobulated Duke.

At 7 o'clock each morning the residents of Aquaint held valuables still on their shelves, readied themselves for a few minutes of picture straightening or covered the ears of sleeping babies. The villagers lived in the shadow of Wellborne Manor and each morning Duke Percival Wellborne would scream with frustration, "Argh!"

The Duke's hands were not built for butttons and he was unable to dress himself each morning. Servants stationed themselves outside his door awaiting the call for help. Percival didn't like being helped by servants especially for something as personal as getting dressed and he was always very vocal about his likes and dislikes.

The Duke's legs were rather short and his belly rather round and when he stood up, from a distance, he looked a bit like a tennis ball propped up on a pair of toothpicks. He tottered to the stables each morning after breakfast for his morning ride and grumbled quite loudly about the size of the horses and the difficulties mounting the beasts. "The horses have grown much too tall, what have you been feeding them?"

Percival liked to impress people with his large library containing vast amounts of knowledge on many subjects. He would invite visitors into the library and if they suggested he turn the book he was reading right-side-up he would reply, "Where's the challenge in that?"
___

OK I'm really tired. I'm still sick and need rest and the Duke is more disagreeable and disgruntled than discombobulated so I will try again tomorrow.

SCARY SHIT! or Bird flu fears

Scientists have thought for about a year and a half that cats were suseptible to the Avian Flu. Now there's proof. A dead cat found on an island in Germany had the H5N1 virus. If it can go to cats, between cats, it won't be long before it moves on to humans on the rough tongues of loving felines.

This flu wasn't much of a worry for me when it was confined to birds. I don't touch live birds, I don't associate with those that do - I am not a snob, we just don't move in the same circles. As it spreads across Asia and Europe and gets closer to my front door it worries me more, but the fact that a cat has died from this virus has raised my level of concern considerably. I go once a week to get allergy shots so that some day my son and I can have a cat. Now I'm not so sure.

Are we about to see another great influenza pandemic? Is it 1918 all over again? The statistics about that outbreak in the prologue of Gina Kolata’s 1999 book "Flu the Story of the Great Influenza pandemic of 1918 and the Search for the Virus that Caused It" are even more frightening as we may be on the verge of another pandemic.

"The 1918 flu epidemic puts every other epidemic of (the 20th) century to shame. It was a plague so deadly that if a similar virus were to strike today, it would kill more people in a single year that heart disease, cancers, strokes, chronic pulmonary disease, AIDS and Alzheimer’s combined. The epidemic affected the course of history and was a terrifying presence at the end of World War I, killing more Americans in a single year than died in battle in World War I, World War II, the Korean War, and the Vietnam War."

According to Kolata this flu was swift and nasty, killing in a matter days or even hours. The symptoms sound similar to Ebola and victims drown in their own fluids.

None of this is good news. I have asthma and without a shot I am highly suseptible to the flu, of course there is NO shot for the H5N1 virus. I have a 3 year old boy who is for the most part healthy (currently getting over an ear infection) but small children are also suseptible to the flu.

This latest revelation has me thinking twice about pets of any kind. It will be years before I will be able to have a cat, and a chicken is just out of the question.

Where the hell have I been?

It's been over a year. I can't believe I've been that lax in getting stuff posted but then again I can. Life with a little kid is busy, tiring and time for a blog is limited when you're doing it all alone.

I was cleaning off the computer desk top and found this sticky note that has been closed since last summer. So here is a glimpse from May 2005.

Just a quick note to let you all know I'm still alive and the blog is not dead either. Schedules and health still are an issue for regular writing, the only reason I can write now is that I'm on vacation and procrastinating on putting together the bulletin board for E's school, painting the utility room and the powder room, spraying to kill the ants that have invaded the abode and resealing the edges of the bathtub. It's a nice quiet E-free vacation at home. ba ha ha [The dresser mentioned here was a great source of pride to both E and me.]

I'd be working if I hadn't caught the cold E got when the was cutting teeth last week. 4 are coming it at the same time. Yes 4. The canines and the lower incisors. The fevers are gone, the crankiness has subsided and his appetite has come back full force. Of course now I am achier than normal and have a sore throat. Basically I don't feel much like doing heavy physical labor. The weather has also be working against me. It's the first week of May and we have had frost warnings for the last 2 nights. It's not getting above the mid-40's. SO DEPRESSING.

Since I last wrote my little guy has changed a lot. "Rhinoceros" has replaced "rhinus" and "Hippopatomus" has replaced "Hipparhinus". Yes his vocabulary has increased dramatically. Strangers don't believe his is just shy of 2 and a half. He can identify a handful of capital letters: A (the triangle letter), O (the circle letter), and E (the letter that starts his name), the others are there, but he has trouble from time to time getting them all. He can count to 20 if he concentrates, if he doesn't 6 follows 3 a bit too closely.

A few weeks ago we made jello and I was reading the directions. "We need 1 cup of boiling hot water and 1 cup of cold water." He blurted out "That's 2 cups!" Proof of genius? hmmm

He loves to help in any way he can. This weekend he was trying to kill ants using his toy hammer. I can just image the terror those poor ants experienced. It's kinder, I believe, to just kill them quickly with a hammer or a shoe or any other blunt object but to pound around them several times until they are petrified and unable to move before you finally end it for them it just seemed cruel.

Every Saturday and Sunday at the end of morning cuddles I say. "Here's the deal..." and give the run down of what needs to happen that day. It could be anything from a visit to the library or a trip to the city to cleaning house or some quality time at the park. This weekend as I was using the bathroom I heard little footsteps on the stairs and, "here's the deal...I'm gonna get my hammer and kill the ants in the bafroom." It was a struggle to keep from laughing loud enough for him to hear me.

Well I'm going to get back to work, the tea is gone and the clock is ticking I want to get SOMETHING done before I go to pick E up at 5pm.
____

Since then E has had a birthday, can identify all 52 letters (upper and lower), can spell his first name, 4 and 5 are no longer forgotten when counting to 10 but 15 is often skipped on the way to 20. He's now completely potty trained and recovering from an ear infection.

Will try harder to post regularly this year. but now I must sleep.